DAY 45: Check In Friday!

I'm doing this today because I actually have 5 minutes to post, as opposed to tomorrow when I wont't have 5 seconds to breath.

Check out this progress!!! I'm 45 days in and 15.2 lbs down.... I'm pretty happy with that overall :) I feel that's a healthy amount to lose in that time frame. I haven't been able to walk much, and I'm still on my pain meds, but I'm having to go go go all day long running errands and things so I guess in a way I am being more active than normal. I'm averaging about 2.4 pounds a week in weight loss, and 1.6 inches a week. I know that incorporating some actual exercise and some strength training will help boost those inches, so this week my goal is to do that, while still focusing on my water intake (this is still a struggle for me, but I'm getting there).

WEIGHT:

Starting weight: 236.4
Starting BMI: 40.6

Current Weight: 221.2
Current BMI: 38

Total Weight Loss: 15.2 lbs

MEASUREMENTS: 

Starting Waist: 34.2
Starting Hips: 54.5
Starting Left Arm: 15.5
Starting Right Arm: 15
Starting Left Calf: 18.8
Starting Right Calf: 19
Starting Left Thigh: 32.8
Starting Right Thigh: 33
Starting Chest: 44

Current Waist: 33.2 ( -1)
Current Hips: 52.2 ( -2.3)
Current Left Arm: 15 (.5)
Current Right Arm: 15 (no loss)
Current Left Calf: 17.8 ( -1)
Current Right Calf: 18 ( -1)
Current Left Thigh: 31.5 ( -1.3)
Current Right Thigh: 31.8 ( -1.2)
Current Chest: 42 ( -2)

Total Inches Lost: 10.3 inches lost

I am starting to have some serious cravings... a cheeseburger, pasta... ice cream!! But so far, I've stayed solid unless it's a cheat meal. Hopefully I can keep that up... cross your fingers for me LOL.

DAY 37: My Why Wednesday

A few days ago I was standing in the kitchen, doing dishes I think. My husband was coming up from the basement and heading outside to work on something outside. As he walked passed me he said "Ya dear, you can definitely tell you're losing weight!" Seriously? MUSIC TO MY EARS!!! 

We all get how important it is to us that our spouses still find us beautiful. And while my husband has continued to tell me I'm beautiful to him, I haven't felt beautiful to him or anyone else for a long time. 

We have made our lives in a place that he knows, what seems like, everyone. He was born here and he was raised here. We rarely go places where he doesn't run into someone he knows, usually someone from high school or an ex-girlfriend. I hate those moments. I cringe each and every time. I'm so sure that each of those people are thinking one thing, "What was he thinking? She's fat!" And the ex-girlfriends? Well there's no need to even type it, we all know what they are thinking, because we are all ex's to someone too. 

So my big WHY this week is my husband. When he married me, he had no idea what he was in for and yet he has stood by me loyally. He could have left at any time, and he chose to stay. He chose me. So I'm going to do what I can to make sure he stay's happy with that choice and that I feel he can be proud to have me on his arm regardless of who we run into. 

DAY 25: Check-In Friday!

Ugh! I wanted more exciting things to post today, but I'm totally plateaued weight-loss wise. I'm yo-yoing between 228 and 226. And I'm in a complete Fibro & Arthritis flare which has left me unable to even stand up fully, or walk not hunched over a bit. Therefore, exercise has been non-existent. I have tried everything to get past this flare so I can keep moving and nothing has worked. More activity just makes it worse, so I've been hesitate to do more than I already have to do errand-wise. I've had to go back on all my pain meds & muscle relaxers, something I really did NOT want to do.

So here's were I stand progress-wise.

WEIGHT:

Starting weight: 236.4
Starting BMI: 40.6

Current Weight: 228
Current BMI: 39.1

Total Weight Loss: 8.4 lbs

MEASUREMENTS: 

Starting Waist: 34.2
Starting Hips: 54.5
Starting Left Arm: 15.5
Starting Right Arm: 15
Starting Left Calf: 18.8
Starting Right Calf: 19
Starting Left Thigh: 32.8
Starting Right Thigh: 33
Starting Chest: 44

Current Waist: 33.8 ( -.4)
Current Hips: 52.5 ( -2)
Current Left Arm: 15.5 (no loss)
Current Right Arm: 15 (no loss)
Current Left Calf: 18.2 ( -.6)
Current Right Calf: 18.5 ( -.5)
Current Left Thigh: 32 ( -.8)
Current Right Thigh: 32.2 ( -.8)
Current Chest: 42 ( -2)

Total Inches Lost: 7.1 inches lost

I don't know how many inches are a good amount for 25 days, but overall I'm happy with this. Also, I'm okay with it going slow... I don't want to loose all this weight overnight, and I definitely don't want the saggy, loose skin that tends to come with that. But I was hoping to be farther along weight loss wise at this point. I have a goal of being below 200 by our 6 Yr Anniversary on Nov 7, and at this rate I probably won't hit that. We're 18 weeks ago from that deadline, and I've been plateaued at this weight for over a week. If I can get over this road block, I could still do it... so here's hoping for that :)

I'm still doing my IdealShape shakes 2x a day, and small snacks in between. I'm struggling with going about my day and eating every 3 hours, and getting in all my water. And I know that water is MY key ingredient, so I have to find a way to do better with that. This upcoming week my focus is going to be my water intake... we'll see!

Thanks for all the love and support I'm getting with this... there have been a few days I thought I'd throw in the towel because I'm the type that has to see changes on the scale, but then I realized I'd have to confess that defeat to all of you and I knew I couldn't do that, so I stayed committed. Thanks for that :)

My "Why" Wednesday

Most people don't know this, but I get Energy Work done. I've started going every 6 weeks, and it's really helped in my struggle to accept my new reality of being childless. It's also really helped me see things differently regarding my own worth, and I think I have to credit part of my decision to make this commitment on the work that my energy worker has done with me during those sessions. 

So this week my Why Wednesday is me. I'm doing this for me. There's really no other way to say it. 

I'm doing this so I can feel confident again. So I can be proud when I walk into a room. I'm doing this so I can feel like ME again. So I can enjoy all the things that I enjoy... riding, hiking, traveling (the seats on planes are actually very, very snug - NOT COOL!), working out, sitting Indian style in the movie theaters. I'm doing this so I can fold my clothes and not thing "wow, that's HUGE!" and so when I look in the mirror, I can be excited about what I see. I'm doing this so when my nieces and nephews look back on pictures, they'll have some of their Aunt instead of me wanting to hide anytime someone whips out a camera. I'm doing this so I won't be the family member that stands out in family pictures because "one of these is not like the others". I'm doing this so I can shop in the normal clothes section, instead of the plus size. So that when I go into a store, and see something I love, that it will actually look halfway decent on me too. 

I've let the diseases that riddle my body to take control, and I can't anymore. I'm 30 years old, it's time to grow up and take back my life. 

*** Weekly weigh-in's and measurements will be Fridays from here on out. Stay tuned :) 

My "Why" Wednesday

I just realized I missed last week, oops!

My "Why" this week is this sweet pup...

Kumo has been with me since he was 16 weeks old. In just a few months he will turn 10, which means I've had him pretty much every day of my 20's and for a whole decade. I don't remember what it's like to have a day where his needs aren't put before everything else, and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is truly my "son" and I can't imagine ever being without him. 

This past week we got news that he has Nonregenerative Anemia.. this means that his bone marrow isn't replacing the red blood cells that we naturally loose every couple weeks. When the vet called us and said the word "bone marrow" I just kind of went blank. I've known that he was getting older for a while now, and it's becoming blaringly obvious when you look at all the grey that's starting to take over his face. But I guess I was still in denial to some degree. I know that we are closer and closer to being with out him and that makes me want to make sure whatever time we have left is full of wonderful memories for him and for us. He deserves better memories than days sleeping next to mom while she struggles to get off the couch. He deserves a mom who will fight back, so that's what I'm going to give him. 

DAY 14: Weekly Update

Current Weight: 228.4 (as of June 20, 2015) 
Total Weight Loss: 8 lbs

Oh boy, the past 7 days have been a doozy. Not with the healthy changes, just with life. I'm glad they're over and we can move forward.

After getting advised by many people, I've really tried hard to not weigh myself everyday. This has been really difficult... like I've still weighed myself most days, in fact, all days... all days but yesterday & today. I know, I know. It's not a good thing to do. But I needed to see the minute the scale got back below my 1st cheat meal weight. I finally saw that, so now I'm good... I'll start the 1x a week weigh ins now :)

I've been super good with everything, haven't cheated at all. Our breakfast date on Sunday mornings went well... I figured out my calories before hand and instead of getting the Ham & Swiss Crepes that I really wanted, I got 2 scrambled eggs, turkey sausage, fruit and sourdough toast. The sourdough was my treat for the week, and it was SO GOOD!

We also, unexpectedly, went to lunch at Chili's that same day. I knew I couldn't let what happened the week prior happen again, it really messed with my psyche. So I skipped right over the Buffalo Chicken Salad with extra ranch that I usually get (that I seriously CRAVE ... anything with Franks Red Hot Sauce is a weakness) I got a chicken breast and cilantro-lime rice. It wasn't my coveted salad, but it did the job.

I've also walked as scheduled and on Fri I surpassed my usual route and did 1.24 miles. I was so proud of myself, and I've been paying for it ever since. I don't regret it, but one thing I didn't want was to push myself so much that the pain became so bad that I gave up. I'm not ready to give up, but I toyed with a line that I didn't want to toy with. I still got up and walked today, 1 mile exactly. And each step hurt. But I did it and that counts.

DAY 6: My First Setback (A Day Late)

It's Day 7. Yesterday when I woke up I was at 228.8... down 7.6 lbs in 6 days. I felt great! I hadn't cheated once. I was eating 5 times a day, every 3 hours and drinking my required 120 oz of water. But on we received some bad news this weekend. So in addition to our regular Sunday Date that starts with breakfast at Mimi's Cafe, we said we would be doing dinner out also (emotional eating much!?). At first I cringed when we agreed to this, but when we were at Mimi's I thought I did pretty good. I usually get their Ham & Swiss Crepes with a Low-Fat Blueberry Muffin. Obviously loads of calories in that. But yesterday morning I got: (4) Turkey Sausage, (2) Scrambled Eggs (with cheese... I know, that was a cheat for sure) & (1) Wheat Toast. Probably about 561 calories in all. About half my daily goal.

"No problem" I thought, I'll have an IdealBar for lunch and then be careful again at dinner. I might be a little over calorie goal, but nothing crazy.

Then we went to dinner. We went to a local Mexican restaurant. I walked in totally set on getting a small dinner salad with Italian dressing and snacking on a little chips & salsa to get the "Mexican" flavors. But then I walked in and smelled that spicy, cheesy food and looked at the pictures in their menu (<--- I don't recommend doing this again. Ever.) and I had the split second thought of "I've worked hard, I deserve this" entered my mind and BAM. Just like that 2 cheese enchiladas in flour tortilla's were ordered. What exactly is it that I think I deserve? Sabotaging myself?

When I got into bed last night and put my food into my MyFitnessPal food diary, I cringed. 666 calories (<--- is it just a coincidence that the calories total the number of the Devil? I think not.) My total calorie count yesterday was 1,367.

But that wasn't the worst part. I figured I'd have a small gain this morning when I jumped on the scale... Ignoring the first 2 days that were elevated due to water weight, I'm averaging about .4 lbs of loss a day. So I figured I'd gain about that back. Nope.

2.2 lbs!!!! I gained 2.2 lbs!!!! And whats worse, is not only did I not work out yesterday, but within 30 minutes of leaving the restaurant I had a headache from all that crappy, artery clogging food I just poisoned my body with.

I am beyond disappointed with myself. And I'm so determined today to not let that happen again. I'm okay with the occasional cheat meal. But 2 cheat meals in one day? So unnecessary.

I was going to ignore my blog for a few days, and just try to forget this happened. But it DID happen, and I have to own that. I also have to be honest with my journey, with myself and with everyone else. It's the only way I'll be successful in the end.

When I talked with young girls who are just starting to discover their love of horses, and they explain how scared they are that they'll get bucked off, or get kicked I always tell them the same thing "There is no true horseman (or woman) who hasn't been bucked off, kicked at or bit. Period. It's going to happen, it's part it. But don't consider them failures. Just dust off your jeans and get back on." So, in the true spirit of taking my own advise, I'm going to dust off my jeans and get back on.